The Beginning of Birth Pains....

This space was birthed out of a word the Holy Spirit spoke to me in a moment of hopeless dire despair. The wise woman builds her house but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. "Proverbs 14:1" Once I heard this Word, I felt a calm come over me but still didn't know what this really meant. So, in my inquisitive fashion I continued to ask GOD to help me understand what was being communicated so I could walk this out. From a surface level the scripture seemed to suggest only the foolish woman can tear her own house down with her hands. So my goal was Lord don't let me be a foolish woman. The other dilemma that stood out was that my current situation was already what it was. Hard, discouraging, and full of cycles that seemed to only get better momentarily with prayer, and surface changes, only to become far worse over time. What did wisdom, and foolishness have to do with me and how does this affect my current reality? I really needed to hear God's direction, I was desperate so I postured myself to listen and to follow direction.

After getting up off of the floor from crying my eyes out and praying to GOD about the reality of the marriage I was in, I admitted I couldn't do it anymore. I was literally asking GOD if it was over and what He wanted me to do. In that moment I just remember the Holy Spirit shifting my attention and heart to begin to search out this scripture and really focus on it. I was so desperate for change and eager to not hurt anymore, or anyone for that matter. My life was purely chaotic, but it was happening so subtly around me I believed no one could have or would have detected just how bad it was and quite honestly I begin to believe no one cared either. From the outside it seemed we were a Christian, GOD-fearing church going family. We were all serving GOD in church, and simply worked to produce something for ministry as a family within our community and the marketplace. We didn't hang out or really go to too many places, we didn't even really fellowship that much either. Everything we were doing was out in the open for all to see, but yet remained hidden, now looking back. We were by no means rich, but we were rich in love, and family, and togetherness, right? Then why were things the way they were? Thankfully GOD was revealing His sovereign answer while working the details out through each individual step. He used every ounce of my pain to cause me to chase after Him like never before and learn His ways. She builds wise would not just be scripture on a page it would be the beginning of HIM rebuilding my life.